Two contradictory things can be true at the same time. Life is full of paradoxes.

Dear Leader: Two contradictory things can be true at the same time. Life is full of paradoxes.

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have caught the personal stories I shared over the 4th of July holiday about how I was handling my increased PTSD symptoms. I also shared my declaration that July 8th was henceforth be known as Lip gloss Day. I promised I would tell you more. So, here it is...

Because of what happened, I've had to navigate that week differently than I did before. That’s because I never know which PTSD symptoms will increase. For example, I can get quiet and introspective. You won’t see me on social media often for the weeks leading up to this time frame. I tend to disassociate more than usual. The hyperarousal and hyper vigilance usually increases so I’m on edge and not great in crowds. Or, my insomnia is at peak levels, and my fibromyalgia symptoms flare up. Or all of the above!

This year something different happened.  As I moved closer to July 9th my symptoms increased but so did this idea that I was ready to change the narrative and the story I tell myself because of it.  I was ready to look at this experience not only through the lens of what happened and the trauma of it, but also how this changed me as a person and how I see the world in a good way. This is very tricky when the experience is traumatic, takes away your sense of safety and autonomy, and makes you a statistic. How do you not take on the shame and blame you've worked so hard to overcome AND look for the wisdom you gained because of this experience- without tipping into toxic positivity territory? How does one handle a paradox?

Paradox: [noun] a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true. (Oxford Dictionary)

For me it was time, trauma therapy (IFS and EMDR specifically) and a willingness to increase my self-awareness. Have I been able to change the narrative and the story I tell myself for every experience I’ve had that led to my complex PTSD diagnosis? Hell no. But this one event... I was ready.

And that’s when I decided to make July 8th Lip Gloss Day. You see, the summer of 2017 I was going through a divorce. And the first thing I purchased for myself (that Mandy made me promise I would not take back) was three lip glosses from Ulta. If you’ve never been in a relationship with someone who is an alcoholic (or addict) you might not understand the money thing and why I was so nervous to spend even a small amount on myself. But in that life, we often had more month than money (IYKYK). And I got really good at never spending on myself so there was always money for bills and whatever the kids needed.

Making July 8th Lip Gloss Day was how I changed the narrative from “look what happened to me,” to “look who I am and the life I have because I survived this event.” I went to Ulta and bought three new lipglosses. Then I went next door to Ross and bought a new dress. And finally went out to supper with my husband that night. No, I can’t erase what happened, the trauma, or the ripple effects it caused. But I can be thankful for what this event taught me about myself and who I am now because of it. Both of these things can be true.

Dear Leader: Life is full of paradoxes so remember to lean into the idea that two seemingly contradictory things can both be true.

With grace & grit,

~Coach Raychel

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Coach Raychel has openings for Summer & Fall private coaching clients. Start the process at https://www.raymateam.com/1-1-coaching-with-raychel